"Worms" reading

This is an insanely bad reading of a short story I wrote a while ago. It’s 1:15. I read it into one of these:

In my quiet third bedroom. The raw work has the main AudioBook Mastering suite applied to it.


Rumble, RMS (loudness), Peak.

And exactly one edit. I badly fluffed and re-read one sentence. No noise reduction.
Screen Shot 2017-07-07 at 20.23.10.png
I’m going to take this again several times until I can write down all the wacky steps I need to pull the sound file between an iPhone/iPod and a computer for editing. Each time I do it, I get to the end and can’t remember the steps.

I’m using Music Memo a free download and not Voice Memo. Voice Memo has noise reduction and corrections applied to it and doesn’t sound natural. Music Memo is built for music accuracy and for better or worse, that’s exactly what I sound like.

I put the ticking clock out in the hall and shot between departing flights at LAX. Total cost (not counting the mic stand, compression clip and quiet room) $0.

As we go.


or iPod.
Owners of iPod nano need not apply.

I guess that your instructions will also apply to any of the hand-held digital recorders on the market, including the pocket digital recorders from Zoom, Tascam, Alesis and “some” recorders by Sony and Olympus (the few that don’t cripple audio quality by enforced lossy compression).

DeClicker will remove the high-frequency mouth-noises, with settings shown …
''Biologist'' DeClicker settings.png

The DeClicker does leave, (generate?) a faint residual-noise, like surface-noise on vinyl, where the clicks were.

I guess that your instructions will also apply

Regard any large gathering of people with everyone staring into an iPhone or equivalent. Why would I buy a Zoom? That iPod is an iPhone without the dial tone.

To your point, I’ve had troubles with personal recorders “helping me” in the background.

“Everybody knows” you need to buy a Yeti to do this work.


I presented into the rear of the unit, that being the “front” of the microphone. But that’s not how it’s intended to be used. If I present into the screen side, the voice is a good deal more mellow and “muffled.” That may take care of the harshness of the sound, but it becomes much more important to soundproof the environment.

I wonder if this would be a good place for a sock.

Also, It occurred to me that If I present into the back, there’s no way I can read the script from the front.

I solved that with this material I call “Paper.”


Yes, I retain my verbal ticking. I debated going through and touching them out, but the rest of the reading is so awful it wasn’t worth it.

“Worms of Cannes?” Get it? Arf, arf, arf.