You should be speaking into the side grill just up from the activity light. It’s the side of the microphone with the company name.
Do you have an actual newspaper around? You only need one sheet. I suppose you could use one of those newspaper sheets you get in the mail urging you to buy groceries, but it should feel like thin, cheap newspaper, not thick, shiny, gossy, or coated.
Crumple it up in front of the microphone while it’s recording, keeping about the same spacing as you announcing.
You may need to pay attention to overloading. Crumpling paper can be loud.
Stop. Cut it down to ten seconds, export it as WAV (Microsoft)16-bit and post it on the forum. Scroll down from a forum text window > Attachments > Add Files.